…you probably still wouldn’t after watching this:
http://www.adultswim.com/shows/athf/movie/index.html
But Bruce “man god” Campbell is voicing one of the characters.
YOWZA. Do you remember when my 24 posts consisted of one sentence about whose ass Jack Bauer kicked this week? There’s just no way the awesomeness of this week’s events could be put into one sentence.
Let’s get the boring stuff out of the way: President Brother, Larry FLEINhart, Karen Hayes and Co. go into the super secret nuclear bunker underneath the White House. The Secretary of Defense (?) tries to get President Brother to nuke half of the planet and the White House speechwriter is putting together something that makes it sound like 12,000 Californians were just tickled to death by kittens, but President Brother refuses. President Brother confides in Larry FLEINhart that he’s scared, and… well, I don’t care because President Brother is the one who should be selling car insurance, not David Palmer.
Sister Palmer is bitching about her bossfriend being used as a plant in the interrogation camp. I could care less.
Jack Bauer is sad for about 2.3 seconds, then saves a dude from dying in a fiery helicopter crash caused by the nuclear sonic boom. What a convenient way to prove to Jack that he’s still needed! Then he calls Bill Buchanan and says he’s back in. That didn’t take long.
Chloe’s ex-husband/SECKS-BUDDY takes intel that Not A Terrorist gives and uses it to find a list of possible “people of interest”. One is Jack Bauer’s dad, and I will take a side note here to say that I was disappointed, because I always thought Jack Bauer was the spawn of Batman. Jack even has a brother… hmm, I wonder who it could be….
Erik: IT’S ROCKET ROMANO!
Karen: IT’S THE GUY FROM FAME!
Erik: No one but you knows him as the guy from Fame. On your post, you have to write “IT’S ROCKET ROMANO!”
Karen: Fine. I’ll put down that it’s Rocket Romano… better known to Karen as The Guy From Fame! (And that X-Files episode where he barfed up his own head.) I’ll also call him the Bluetooth Bastard.
Erik: That’s stupid.
Anyway, the BLUETOOTH BASTARD, aka that guy from Fame, aka President Logan’s puppet master from last season, is totally Jack Bauer’s brother! BRILLIANT! So BLUETOOTH BASTARD gets a heads up from a shady henchman about Jack, so he can be “pleasantly” surprised when Jack calls him to find out where their dad is. Jack doesn’t believe BLUETOOTH BASTARD when he says he doesn’t know, so he decides to make a surprise visit to his house. While there, Jack meets his son nephew and sees BLUETOOTH BASTARD’s wife, who he used to have a “thing” with and probably impregnated her just then by looking at her for longer than 3 seconds.
But enough with the family reunion! There’s no time! Jack takes BLUETOOTH BASTARD into the study and sucker punches him in the mouth! Then, he rips the cord off the lamp and uses it to tie him up (unfortunately, instead of electrocuting him).
Jack: I will hurt you.
BB: You’re hurting me now, actually!
Jack: Trust me… I’m not.
What Jack IS doing is reaching for a plastic bag… TO PUT ON BLUETOOTH BASTARD’S HEAD TO SUFFOCATE HIM WITH! WHILE DOING THAT, MY HEAD EXPLODED FROM THE AWESOME!
Next week, Jack is supposed to meet his dad. I’m assuming he won’t meet his mom - she obviously died in childbirth when Jack exploded out of her uterus, Alien-style.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.
This week, President Brother (my favorite name) got a call from Bald Terrorist, saying “you rolled over so easily on giving me Jack Bauer, so I figured you’d release a bunch of foreign prisoners to me.” And what do you know, President Brother puts on his best Jack Bauer-ish voices and says, “Sure. And can I get you a beer while I’m up?” One of the prisoners escapes during his release (wait… what?) and meets up with Bald Terrorist. President Brother asks Jack Bauer to lead the mission. But that doesn’t matter.
Ahmed (who I call Phlegm because that’s what I produce when I pronounce his name correctly) has to deliver a package for Bald Terrorist, but has a bullet in his leg preventing him. So he sends one of his hostages to do it. Hostage delivers it, commits murder, and takes another package to Bald Terrorist while Hostage’s family escapes with the help of Jack Bauer (whose team kills Phlegm). But that doesn’t matter.
Jack Bauer fakes some totally awesome road rage so Not A Terrorist can take one of Bald Terrorist’s dudes to a secret hiding place (read: Public Storage) full of C-4 - and the dude blows himself up! But that doesn’t matter.
Sister Palmer gets out of the detention facility but her boss/boyfriend stays behind he recognizes some random Arabic another prisoner says… but not really. Sister Palmer and Larry FLEINhart get into a pissing match over the phone. But that doesn’t matter.
President Brother gives Not A Terrorist a full pardon (he’s Not A Terrorist… ANYMORE but was once known as Totally A Terrorist). This pisses Curtis off (he speaks) because it turns out that Not A Terrorist was Totally A Terrorist on Curtis’s men in Desert Storm. And from the description of what happened, I’m amazed Curtis lasted that long without putting a gun to his head. But, Curtis breaks down, tries to kill Not A Terrorist, and Jack has to make Curtis Not Alive - with a bullet in the neck! Curtis looks so sad as he goes to meet Tony in that conference room in the sky. (Get it? Because Tony is dead). Jack pukes (what did he throw up? I doubt the Chinese gave him food on that plane), then cries and quits. But that doesn’t matter.
What matters is that Bald Dude and escaped terrorist made a nuclear bomb - and detonate it! In the middle of California! With mushroom cloud-shaped results! And there’s apparently 4 more out there! And… Day 6 is off!
Sorry for the lack of posts (ok, not really) but the last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind. Karen should be along shortly to post the 24 pt 2. Awesome episode by the way. Anyway, I’ll keep this quick cause I’m really effin’ tired right now.
Since last we spoke, I have gotten four job offers, accepted one, left Pi Kappa Phi staff, and started my new job. My step-father came out to visit Jan. 9 and just left today. It was a great trip, but we definitely didn’t get to do that much since I was finishing one job and starting another with nothing but a weekend separating the two. But it was a good visit never-the-less.
The next month will hopefully settle down a bit as I get acclimated to my new job, but after that we’ll be in upheaval again as we just found out our landlord will be putting the condo up for sale. Karen and I aren’t ready to buy, so were still trying to decide if we want to be here while it’s on the market. So the search for a new place brings more fun to the table for the end of February.
Alright campers, time to get some dinner.
(Side note: This is only the recap of Sunday’s episodes, but we just got back from dinner and Erik is too tired to watch 24. Complaints against him can be posted in the comments. Part 2 will hopefully be posted tomorrow evening.)
This past Sunday on 24:
Jack’s back! With 100% more mysterious disfigurement!
We open with America going nuts with terrorist attacks every 3.5 minutes (literally). President Palmer’s… BROTHER is now President (side note, we need a funny name for him, because there is only ONE true President Palmer) and gets an offer from some terrorist bald dude: I’ll give you the location of the terrorist responsible for the attacks if you give me Jack Bauer for me to kill. It takes President Palmer’s Brother no time to sacrifice the Awesomest Man Ever, and even less time for the Chinese to fly him out.
Bill Buchanan and Curtis greet Jack (actually, only Bill - was there not enough money in the budget to give Curtis any lines? Did they spend it all on Jack’s beard?) and discover that Jack doesn’t really mind dying today. The bald dude takes Jack and is all GUESS WHAT, I’m the one responsible for the attacks, the other guy is on your side, I got you good, you fucker! So Jack goes all “Lost Boys’ on bald dude’s sidekick and escapes - with maximum bloodshed!
Once free, Jack calls the White House to warn President Palmer’s brother that they made a deal with the ACTUAL terrorist. Only everyone there is a jerkoff and doesn’t believe him. Don’t they feel stupid when Chloe (more on her below) and Bill discover that Jack was totally right! And I’m not trying to start some shit, but the REAL President Palmer would never have doubted Jack. I’m just saying.
While Jack is totally right, he is also somewhat soft. He’s a bit reluctant to do the hard core torture on a suspect (not reluctant to chew on another guy’s jugular, though). So his new friend “Not a terrorist” shows him how it’s done - by stabbing a dude in the knee cap! Jack Bauer, I think you just got served.
In other news, Chloe? Is totally awesome as usual. Even if she and her ex-husband/current bone kinda sorta fucked up and almost blew the mission to trade Jack for “Not a terrorist”. But she’s wearing a cool outfit and her current sex life does not seem to be diminishing her bitch factor, so it’s ok.
Also, Karen Hayes and Bill Buchanan are married and totally have sex that merits at least an Level Orange on the security alert (I don’t know what that means). Regina King is Sister Palmer and a sassy attorney defending the Islamic American Something or Other and just got arrested for having the nerve to stand up to the FBI. There’s some chick at CTU who is too young/pretty/poorly acted to be of any interest to me. And Soulpatch Tony is still dead.
DISCUSS!
Last week, Holly was featured on the totally awesome Stuff On My Cat! Now she’s all full of herself.
Happy 2007, everyone! As you may remember, I had a goal of reading 25 books in 2006. I’m happy to say that I did hit that goal, and finished 2006 halfway through Book 26. Let me wrap up the books not covered in this post below:
Book 23: Bee Season by Mya Goldberg
LOVED this book. Absolutely fantastic, I recommend it highly. Haven’t decided if I will see the movie adaptation, though.
Book 24: Big Fish by Daniel Wallace
ALSO loved it. I was wary of it at first because I’m such a fan of the movie, and when I see the movie first the book is bound to disappoint. But it didn’t - it was different enough to not bore or disappoint me while staying true to the spirit of the movie.
Book 25: A Giant’s House by Elizabeth McCracken
Totally loved this book. It is so beautifully written, it breaks your heart.
Now I am reading The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova and IT’S AWESOME. My friend Megan gave it to me because we’re both Da Vinci Code dorks. This book has the history and suspense like Da Vinci Code, but is about vampires instead of Jesus. SCORE!
Off to work now… slowly. I did a workout class last night that was basically an hour of football drills. It was my first time in the class, and when the instructor announced that “We’ll be throwing and catching the football today throughout the obstacle course”, I almost walked out. But I stayed - and dropped the ball each time. Oh well.