Karen and Erik

Two weeks to recap and 1/2 the patience - LET’S GO!

2 weeks ago:

Jack Bauer: OW, my rib! It’s broken by I forget what!
Denethor: OW, my body! It’s mortally wounded by Ricky Schroder’s bullets!

Ricky Schroder: OW, my pride! Miles is a dick to me and Executive Producer Keifer Sutherland refuses to call me Rick!

Larry FLEINhart: OW, my conscience! It’s ruined by VP Powers Boothe!

VP Powers Boothe: OW, my acting! Enough said.

Agent Pierce: OW, my pelvis, from my Karen-imagined all-night boner time with the former first lady!

Former First Lady: OW, my chemical imbalance! It’s screwed up now that my ex-husband wants me to do him a favor to save the world!

President Logan: OW, my really important artery! Martha put a knife in it!

(fin)

Last week:

Jack: Dude, my rib is fine. But Marilyn, I can not get a boner for you because I am in love with Auuuudrey.

Marilyn: She died in China looking for you. But I’m alive, and a slut.

Jack: NOOOOOO

VP Powers Boothe: Find the one nuclear drone that got launched or I will bomb the entire Middle East!

Bill Buchanan: Ain’t no thang, I found it.

VP Powers Boothe: Fuck it, I’ll do it anyway.

Karen Hayes: NOOOO! We must wake up President Brother so he can stop it, even though he’ll be incredibly drugged and injured and in no legal capacity to make an Executive Order. GOD I’m brilliant!

President Logan: …

Former First Lady: …

WTF, NOTHING on them last week? Instead we get Karen Hayes’ HORRIBLE idea?

PS Audrey is as dead as Tony is alive. In other words, NOT AT ALL.

Since there was a Deadliest Catch marathon on yesterday, I suspected that Season 3 of the Deadliest Catch would be showing up soon on Discovery. Sure enough, it returns April 3rd. I hope the got Sid and the Hansen crew back. It’s supposed to be the “Deadliest season yet”.

Oh noes! I did not get to do a 24 recap for last week! And…. we didn’t watch yesterday’s ep! (It’s on Tivo. Actually, it’s on DVR but I refuse to call it anything other than Tivo.) I actually recapped the episode on Thursday night and the damn power went out when I was on the last paragraph - and nothing was saved! I never made the time to rewrite it, and Erik got caught up in work last night so we missed the ep. Tonight, he’s at a Bobcats game. Hopefully, we can see it tomorrow and then I will do “The Last Two Week In 24 - TLTWIT”.

To make up for this horrible transgression, I will write a “What’s New at the House of Garrett/Offices of FNUR” post. More or less as interesting as 24, with a much smaller bodycount.

Last week, I had a busy yet slow week at work. Periods of slowness, followed by periods of CRAZINESS. Between it all was March Madness. I am a huge college basketball fan but it really only manifests itself during March. And ESPECIALLY if Carolina has a strong team, which they do this year. I don’t mean to brag (yes I do), but if you’re in the PKP HQ pool, my bracket is currently kicking your bracket’s ass. Of course, my bracket is based on who I *want* to win, not who I think will win. But it’s working so far, and if I win that money I’m getting my hair did.

Also last week was ERIK’S BIRTHDAY! He turned the ripe age of 28, which is not old because that’s how old I am. For his birthday, I got him an R2-D2 Interactive Droid. Unfortunately, it turns out I got him the one that likes to ignore our orders. So it’ll be good preparation for having kids.

This past weekend, Erik and I were supposed to go up to Canton to see the Miami gang for March Madness. Since I could not get Friday off of work and Erik could, he drove up in my car (Jack Bauer) and I was going to take a 1-way flight up after work. Then, we’d both drive down on Sunday. Brilliant, right? Except Delta canceled my flight on Friday afternoon. And Erik was already in Canton. With my car. So I stayed at home this weekend, watching basketball, reading, feeling sorry for myself and wearing sweats. Not necessarily in that order.

This week, I signed up to crew the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. This walk is similar to the 3 day (in fact, until a couple of years ago they were the same walk), but it’s 2 days, just over 39 miles, and in Charlotte instead of Atlanta. We’ll be managing a Quick Stop on the route (quick stops have water, Gatorade and bathrooms - no snacks or medical tent). That means we get to look forward to getting on the bus at 4 am, being on our feet all day, lifting pallets of water and Gatorade, and yes - camping out! I will probably do another walk another year… but I am enjoying having my weekends back too much now. We also get to have a THEME for our Quick stop - with music and costumes and decorations! Last year at stops, I saw themes like “Pirates”, “Hollywood”, “M*A*S*H”, and “Hawaiian Luau” and “Halloween”. I KNOW we can come up with a better one that that - please leave your ideas for a THEME and a TEAM NAME in the comments. Keep in mind that the team will consist of people like me and E, Becky and Lee, and Pizza - so pretty much anything goes.

If we do Star Wars, E and I already have an outfit!

…totally sucked! I know that Uncle LeeChee is going to lay a big fat “I told you so” fart in the comments, but I don’t care. I didn’t even feel like blogging about last week’s episode, but I knew that Fitz would have a seizure if I did not. So let’s get to it…

President Brother gave his most compelling performance to date - because he was unconcious the entire time. He survived the bomb (unlike Assad), but being in surgery makes it hard to run the country. Enter VP Powers Boothe, who still creeps me the frak out (PS - RIP Kara Thrace).

The idiot brother of Rob Lowe gives Larry FLEINhart a “peptalk” about how Larry should go along with the whole “killing President Brother for the good of the country” bit. Before Larry can even tell him yay or nay, Rob Bro-we LETS HIM GO and parades him in front of the Secret Service. Larry FLEINhart takes 5 seconds of suspenseful contemplation before turning him in as the would-be assassin of President Brother. SS takes Larry into custody for questioning, but Powers Boothe tells him to go along with blaming Assad for the assassination attempt, and Larry’s plan can go into effect. That sound you heard? Was my thunderous *facepalm*.

Jack Bauer and Ex-President Logan go to see the Russian Consulate - I’ll be damned, it’s Denethor! Logan is all, “I know you know where Gredenko is!” And Denethor says, “I don’t even know where Boromir is, let alone Gredenko.” Logan says, “Tell me or I will expose you and you’ll be sent to some Russian hellhole prison and executed.” Denethor says, “Never! The rule of Gondor is mine!”

Logan gives up and waits until he and Jack are in the limo to say, “You know what? I bet he was lying.” Jack makes the COLOSSALLY STUPID IDEA to break into the Russian Embassy and capture/torture Denethor. Why is this such a bad idea? Perhaps because he’s probably still jet-lagged after his trip from China, where he was imprisoned and tortured for 2 years for another Embassy visit gone wrong. EVEN LOGAN TELLS HIM THIS IS STUPID. Jack does it anyway. Normally, I admire Jack Bauer for his pluck and initiative. Not now.

Jack Bauer: “Russian Consolate, I am here to find out where Gredenko is and you WILL take me seriously!”

Denethor: “Can you sing, Master Hobbit?”

Jack Bauer: “NO SHORT JOKES - now I’m going to cut off your finger!”

Denethor: “OW! Come, sing me a song!”

Jack Bauer: “I’ll cut off another!”

Denethor: “FINE he’s in the desert. You’ve got a couple of hours until the world blows up. Now bring wood and oil.”

Russian Cops: “RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE You’re under arrest, hobbit!”

Jack Bauer: “NO the hobbit was on last season!”

Jack immediately talks a Russian dude into helping him - until Russian dude gets shot by another Russian dude! Since I don’t know either of their names, I don’t care!

Next time: OH MY FREAKING GOD MARTHA LOGAN IS BACK AND SHE’S WITH AGENT PIERCE AND I BET THEY HAVE “the relations”.

�

Every week as I write these, I want to also write a post about what’s new with me and what’s going on in the House of Garrett (formerly the House of FNUR, FNUR, a saying that I still use on a daily basis). But then I think, I can’t write that post now because I have to write the 24 post. If the personal post appears above the 24 post, no one will see the 24 post. If the 24 post appears above the personal post, no one will see the personal post. If I combine the 2, that’s a really long post.

But today, I AM going to combine the two because I believe my life is more interesting than this week’s episode. Let’s begin!

This week in 24, Morris generally sucked at his job and at life. Chloe discovered that he did not call his sponsor and confronted him in the bathroom while he was totally doing Number 2! And he jumped up - and didn’t even wipe! He told her he called his OTHER sponsor, and lame Chloe (yes, I said it) believed him. Then he poured out his whiskey bottle to his trash can homey.

This week, I went to the bathroom every 5 minutes or so, but it was really just to blow my nose. I had a cold last week and it made moving very hard. The cold turned into a sinus infection, but a round of antibiotics and some rest got me back in shape. But I am still blowing my nose a lot (and at least I wipe).

We learned the delivery system for the nuclear bobms are some kind of US drone planes, and Gredenko has those.

I learned how to make buttons, and made one of myself with a picture of me as a pirate! YARRR!

Keifer says goodbye to Marilyn, and they give each other a super dumb look that says “Oh Jack, hold me like you did by the lake in Naboo!**”. He visits President Logan, who is super religious now and insists that he be let out of his deluxe presidential ranch exile to talk to some Russian ambassador to get to Gredenko. Then they took the next 40 minutes to get changed into suits.

We moved last weekend, and the new place is great! It take me 40 minutes to get ready in the new place, but 15 of those are because Erik kicks me out of the bathroom so he can poop.

Chad Lowe kept Larry FLEINhart tied up while Random Mysterious Dude smuggled in explosives - in his HIGHLIGHTERS. He spent most of the episode creating a bomb in his tape recorder, then Chad Lowe snuck it into where President Brother and Assad went to practice their speech. But they don’t make highlighter-tape recorder bombs like they used to, because it starts leaking just enough to give Assad & Co. a second’s notice before the bomb blows up. Potential Presidential Parts everywhere!

Ok, I can’t beat that. But since it’s about lame characters, I really don’t care.

**For the record, Erik doesn’t find that joke funny and thinks I am being disrespectful to Star Wars for telling it. I say that I am making a punchline out of a lame scene/piece of dialogue in what is otherwise a spectacular movie franchise which I enjoy very much. Commenters - you be the judge.

I was going to make a picture of Jack and Marilyn in Episode 3 saying that line, but I thought that might be pushing it. So instead I present this:

�