Karen and Erik

Usually, I do not blog in the middle of a weekday. Normally, I’d be at work now and the most interesting thing I’d be able to write is “Someone heated their lunch in the microwave, and it smells like a combination of burnt popcorn, tuna and dog food.” Not today, though. Today I am serving the judicial system and fulfilling my civic obligation with jury service.

Side note: Do you think judges call the act of passing a bowel movement “banging a gavel”? Because I just did.

I served on a jury three years ago for the first time. The case was a small and ridiculous civil suit, and the trial was over in three days. Admitedly, I was disappointed that it was not some horrific murder trial that I was serving on. Sure, I’d be sequestered for weeks or months and be trapped with 11 other people who wanted to be anywhere but there. But secretly, we all want to see what it’s like to be witness to a “Law & Order” type of case.

When I served three years ago, the courthouse was undergoing construction and improvements. This project is now complete, and the new accomodations are lovely. But the experience has not changed. There are now several different rooms where we can fight off sleep and read the same book over and over. Now, we get to watch crappy movies on a flat-panel TV, instead of someone’s old 19″ set.  And speaking of crappy movies, today’s movie at Jury Theater is:

Me: “They are playing some super dumb movie that I bet was on Lifetime. It stars Brian Dennehy and James Garner and is called ‘The Ultimate Gift’.”

Erik: “How self serving from Brian Dennehy and James Garner to think a moving starring them is the Ultimate Gift.”

The other highlight of the day was when the orientation video was playing during check-in. The host of the video told us that the court system of North Carolina is thankful that we are serving our civic duty. The 50+ year old man behind me giggled and said “She said ‘duty’!” Ladies and gentlemen, if you are ever a plaintiff or defendant in a trial, please note that this could be your jury - middle-aged men who giggle at vaguely dirty-sounding words, and women who spend 10-15 minutes of their precious time thinking of a pun to describe their bowel movements.

ETA:  DAMNIT I got called in for a jury 15 minutes before they let everyone go for the day. Have to return tomorrow. Will give details when my service is done.

Two, perhaps three people reading this blog know a certain fact about me. It’s something from my past that I must admit is incredibly silly, so please be gentle with me. After all, what is the internet for if not for revealing embarrassing revelations to millions or dozens of people and expecting nothing but support in return?

Almost a decade ago, I used to write this online column covering TV shows. They were stream-of-consciousness style recaps and discussions of the shows that I was obsessed with back in those days. The thing was, the columns often featured “conversations” with the characters, so I could (for example) ask Ben just what the hell he was thinking when he cheated on Felicity.

Why yes, I was already under the care of a licensed psychologist during this time. Why do you ask?

The most frequently appearing characters were Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, because I LOVE(D) THE X-FILES. I can not emphasize that enough. I loved the writing, the acting, the stories, the humor, the horror, the characters. I loved Skinner and Krychek and the Lone Gunmen and The Smoking Man and Scully and OH GOD YES… Mulder.

I loved Scully and Mulder together (yes, I am still a ’shipper) but I preferred Karen and Mulder together. The editor of the website I wrote for was incredibly lenient and let me get away with a lot. Due to my Mulder crush and raging hormones, the unofficial name of the column was “The Truth Is In My Pants”.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Scully as well. In fact, I really did love pretty much everything about this show. Until the final seasons, where David Duchovny left the show and Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish came on to replace Mulder and Scully. I turned it off until the final episode, which made me apprehensive until Mulder walked across the room to kiss Scully, and I squealed so loudly that my neighbor thought the fire alarm had gone off. (True story.)

My poor husband (and I must interject here to say that Mulder has nothing on Erik David Garrett, who is the awesomest and hottest man alive) has had to listen to me flip out about the second X-Files movie for many months. Until last week, it looked like he was going to have to see the movie with me. He has no interest in the show or the movie, and had not been this less excited to see a movie since Snakes on a Plane. Which I dragged him to. And I am not entirely sure he has ever forgiven me for it.

Last weekend, my friend Kat said she’d see it with me on opening night, saving Erik from a fate worse than death - listening to his wife squeal and giggle and inadvertently rip his arm out of its socket over dorky references and another man for over two hours. However honey, if you’re reading this, you’re still totally welcome to come. And then you can go searching for the truth. Hint: it might be in my pants.

This is what a 30-year-old looks like.

I wanted to take a picture with no makeup on. So I did. But I never said I would not use the retouch tool in my photo editor.
On this event of the anniversary of my birth, I have rebelled in the ways that only a 30-year-old who has high blood pressure, depression, OCD, ADD and a deep sense of shame can.

1. Took the day off.

2. Told Erik I’d only sleep until 8. Knew that might not be true.

3. Slept until 10.

4. Wore a semi-sheer shirt and my Chucks. Two things Erik hates when I wear in public.

5. Had to drive to the DMV. Sped the entire way.
6. Went to the DMV. Knew I’d have my picture taken. Still did not wear make-up.

7. Was overly sweet to the DMV Examiner to persuade him to see me before he took lunch. And it worked! I still got it!
8.  Ignored recommended diet and had fried chicken for lunch. And a beer.
9.  Instead of cleaning the house as I originally intended to do, I gave the dog a bath and watched Comedy Central.

10. Phone rang. I let it go to voicemail even though I was perfectly capable of answering it. But I did not feel like putting the TV on mute.

Look out, world. Who knows what crazy shenanigans I will pull next?  I might drive with the windows open AND the AC on. I might not put makeup on at any time during the day. I might decide to watch bad TV INSTEAD of sitting down with a good book. I’M JUST THAT WILD AND CRAZY.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to go to the grocery store, than take a nap. A REBELLIOUS NAP!

Thanks to everyone letting us know the blog was down the past week. Apparently our hosting company decided to retire the database server that was the backend to this site…without telling us. I have sent multiple emails to their support, and have heard nothing back. Finally, this morning, I went through their FAQ site, and found this article indicating some lost data. I saw the phrase upgrade to new platform and knew something was up.

I found some other support articles, and was able to figure out the new server name, new database name, and new username they gave us without letting us know anything was changing. Unfortunately, it looks like the last 2 months worth of entries are gone, or at least “out of sync” according to the article reference above.

Stay tuned, but at least we’re back. Needless to say, we’ll be looking at alternative hosting solutions very soon.