Karen and Erik

The House of Garrett/Office of FNUR has been monitoring the voting/commenting on this entry with great interest. However, we have not updated before now for the following reasons:

1. Both of us have been swamped at work.

2. Erik’s arm is falling off. Long story for another post.

3. Our ceiling is leaking.

4. Last week while Erik was at someone’s house for one of his fantasy football drafts and I was home with the pets, Stanley threw up all over the carpet, then pooped on the wall (YES, THE WALL!), then the door jam. Then he peed on the kitchen floor, which I did not discover until we were playing in the kitchen and I slipped, falling ass over tea kettle right into the fresh urine puddle. Frankly, I am not yet over that experience.

5. How can you expect us to update when Netflix has been mailing us the goodness of Dexter Season 2?

6. Other than MY DOG SHIT ON THE WALL, I have not had much to update about. Been working, been walking (gimme money please).

Erik is now on a work trip, so I am spending quality time with the boys. As we speak, Fred is on the kitchen counter showing me his displeasure at not being fed yet. Also, he is showing me his butthole.  Stanley and I have gone on a walk, and he is currently in the family room with me cycling through his favorite things to chew: his giraffe toy from Clyde, his frisbee from Grandma, his tail, Erik’s 25 lb. dumbbell, my foot.

But back to the business at hand! Here’s how the votes break down:

America’s Next Top Model: 5

24: 1

Bones: 0 (BOO where’s the Bones love?)
Chuck: 1
Heroes: 1
House: 1
Lost: 1

The Office: 1
Eureka: 1
Battlestar Gallactica: 1
Friday Night Lights: 1
Well, I think we all knew I was going to do ANTM. But I had planned on trying a second show. But due to the 9-way tie, I’m in a bit of a dilemma. So here’s what I am going to do.

I’m doing all of them (except Bones since no one voted for it) at least once. It may be the first episode of the season, it may not. It depends on when I am sitting in front of the TV with my laptop, Bernie Mac and in a snarky mood. And not yelling at the dog.

I’ll continue recapping the show(s) that get the most comments, and that seem to translate well into the “5-8 paragraph brief sarcastic recap” format. Otherwise, I’m not going to bother. Your comments are like heroin to me, people. I need them and I can’t get enough. Also, I don’t know how some of these are going to translate to my snarky yet lazy writing style. So, we’ll just see how it goes.

How’s that sound?

Now, because I’m jonesing for comments, everyone tell us what you’re going to do over the Labor Day weekend. Erik and I are going to relax as much as possible (especially him as he needs it). We’re going to a Labor Day party at Pizza & Justin’s new place in Albemarle - a town that barely shows up in maps, may or may not have indoor plumbing, but seems pretty neat. Well, it must be neat if Pizza is there. Also, I’m feeling particularly creative (could be an impending stroke) so I’m going to try to do some art and some crafting this weekend. Thankfully, my studly husband made me that awesome desk!  Speaking of which, I need to take pictures of the finished desk and bookshelves Erik built, so I can post them here. And then you all can be like, “WOW your husband is SO COOL and AWESOME” and I can say, “You don’t even know the half of it!”

I’m spent. Insert funny ending here. Gotta go prevent the dog from eating poop.

ETA: I heard posts with pictures are read/commented on more. So here you go. For those of you who read my old blog and remember the great shoe debate, PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM WEARING CHUCKS AND THEY ARE THE GREATEST.

It’s that special time of year again when my waning belief in Hollywood is revived for at least a few weeks. We’re almost at the start of the new TV season, which will start as soon as the media gets their tongue out of Michael Phelps’ throat and some politicians celebrate themselves. It’s also time for me to get full of myself and think I am funny, and fill this blog with recaps of shows. This year, I again leave the choice of show to you. Leave your vote in the comments. The only stipulation is it has to be a show I already watch. The choices are:

1. America’s Next Top Model (Now in case you have not heard, this show’s cycle features a contestant who is a transsexual. At least, she’s the first to admit it. You can’t tell me that Jaslene wasn’t hiding her testicles in her chin. And even Paulina Porizkova called out DOMINIQUE! on being a dude.)

2. Bones

3. Chuck

4. Battlestar Gallactica

5. 30 Rock

6. Eureka

7. Friday Night Lights
8. Heroes

9. House

10. How I Met Your Mother

11. Lost

12. My Name is Earl

13. The Office

14. 24 (obviously not starting yet so this doesn’t have to be your vote. But I wanted to make sure there is still interest in me recapping 24 when it comes back, so let me know if you want me to recap it when it comes back)

Seriously. If anyone is at all squeamish, especially regarding the bodily outputs (and inputs) of a dog, you do NOT WANT TO READ THIS. Just skip to the bottom of the post.

OK?

It’s for the best. I don’t even want to read this. Yet, here I am writing it.

Is everyone gone?

OK. Last night, our dog did the most disgusting thing known to mankind. Stanley woke us up around 1:30 am to be let out. This was a bit odd since he usually makes it until 5:30 am. When Erik took him outside, Stanley dropped a big ol’ turd and promptly ate it before Erik could stop him. Unfortunately, that is not uncommon for Stanley, who can often be seen with an actual shit-eating grin.

After being scolded and taken back to his crate, we started to go back to sleep. UNTIL. UNTIL!!! We hear retching noises. Then licking noises.

Yes. our dog barfed up the poo he ate, then proceeded to re-eat it.

We both jumped out of bed and sprung into action - Erik handling the shit-eater, and me washing his poopy-barfy pillow. It smelled SO BAD.

Let’s recap the evening’s events of Stanley, FORMERLY known as the World’s Cutest Dog:
1) Poop.
2) Eat poop.
3) Barf up poop.
4) Eat barfed up poop.
5) Watch as his mom has an anger stroke.

OK, time to bring everyone back now.

……

BECKY! You read it, didn’t you? I told you not to! I’m sorry. Here’s something to make you and everyone feel better, courtesy of Dad Gone Mad.

I’m working on a larger post of about going to DC last weekend, but I’m waiting for Pizza to post her pics to Flickr. Because hers are better than mine, and because she has a picture of me giving a double-team lapdance to Jam. Meanwhile, here are a couple that I took and tweaked.

i hate snakes

Originally uploaded by erikdgarrett.

I mean, I can’t stand them. They freak me out like nothing else. So imagine my surprise (read: horror) when I see Stanley sniffing and possibly trying to eat a snake in our front yard. And then imagine that I have to go near said snake. Thank God it was already dead. But I still had to touch it, even though I did so with gloves on and with a rag.

I repeat, I HAD TO TOUCH it. Did I mention I hate snakes?

And that the only good snakes are dead or flattened on the side of the road?

Ok, glad we cleared that up.

Hey kids! Ever wonder what a hot, exciting sexy couple like the Garretts do on your average Tuesday night? Here’s what we’re doing RIGHT NOW.

Erik: On his laptop.

Karen: On her laptop.

Stanley: Chewing something.

Fred: Sitting, judging.

On TV: Sports that we are not paying attention to.

Underwear: optional.

“How’s Stanley?”

“You should post some pictures of Stanley.”

“Nobody cares about you, I want to know about STANLEY!”

Yes, yes - the burden of having Stanley is that his public’s thirst for pictures and stories is never quenched. Stanley is now 11 weeks and 3 days old. He’s still a little guy, but he’s definitely grown a lot.

He’s full of energy, so we’ve been doing leash training so we can take him on walks for exercise. It’s going.. well…

It’s going. He resists walking away from the house, and then sometimes will ease up and enjoy the walk. He always is excited walking back to the house. I tried taking him to the greenway today, but the bicycles scared him.

How’s Fred, you ask? He’s.. Fred.

He’s curious about Stanley, but more in a “What the hell?!?” kind of way. He avoids Stanley but does not seem too put out by him. Stanley sometimes likes to chase Fred, but Stanley just wants to play. We’re discouraging the chasing and trying to get Fred more comfortable with Stanley around. I think it is slowly working, but they may never be best buddies.