Karen, Erik and Jack

I just got into work and hooked up my XM Radio (the old school Roadie 2) and flipped on channel 27, Cinemagic, the station that only plays movie scores or songs featured in movies. I listen to nothing else while at work.

Right now they’re playing the movie score to Cloverfield, which I saw and didn’t particularly like. Here’s the thing though, I don’t recall Cloverfield having any score during the movie. And since it was supposedly from home movies taken during a tragic monster attack, wouldn’t there have been no need for a movie score?

As she mentioned here, I’m building K a desk. All that’s left now is the finishing:

Hi everyone! Did everyone have a good weekend? I hope so. Ours started with a hot date with Iron Man (OMG SO DOPE) and dinner with friends. On Saturday, we finally returned that stupid Pottery Barn desk at the mall. Instead of dragging it through SouthPark Mall, we went to the delivery entrance to meet the PB clerk. While we waited for him to bring the cart, we found ourselves surrounded by over a dozen puppies. It was as if I suddenly walked into some twee poster I might find on my 2nd grade guidance counselor’s wall. The Char-Meck Animal Control was having a pet adoption fair, and they were all waiting to use the service elevator. Despite my impassioned please (asking really nicely twice), Erik and his heart of steel would not relent. We went home puppy-less. My heart shed tears.

Later that afternoon, our neighbor came to visit and I was able to meet their new springer spaniel puppy, Roto. My heart exploded with puppy joy while Erik watched, probably thinking rational thoughts such as “we can’t have a puppy because we aren’t prepared to care for one, how are we going to walk it/check on it during the weekday when we are working?” Whereas my brain was screaming “PUPPY! PUPPY! PUPPY! PUPPY!”

This is a big difference in Erik and I. He is excellent with retaining rational thought, and thinking things through thoroughly. His thought process is wise and lucid. My thought process is likely covered in glitter and old Dorito crumbs. It has three settings: On, Off, and Opposite Day. Also, it probably resembles the monosyllabic thought process of a toddler. After all, as those who attended our wedding know, Erik is a THINKING person, and Karen is NOT.
Maybe instead of getting a puppy now, we’ll just play with Roto. That situation yields all of the cuteness, none of the poop. Meanwhile, we have had our friends with dogs bring them over in order to gauge the reaction of the cats. When confronted with a dog (or another cat, actually), Fred puffs up and makes a deep, manly yowl. So manly in fact that you’d think he still had his testicles. Holly runs away, which is surprising since she’s a certified menace to society. Either way, they’re going to have to get used to the fact that there may be a day when their pampered existence has a surprise visitor who will shake things up. Which sounds like the plot for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Does this mean Will Smith is coming to live with us?

First off, don’t everyone chime in about that concert at once. Jerks.

Nothing much new here. Erik is gearing up for baseball season – he’s been doing team practices and scrimmage for a few weeks and soon will start the actual season. Meanwhile, I’ve been nagging him mercilessly to make me a desk. See, there’s a story behind this desk.

When we decided to have an office for both of us, we knew that we would have different requirements for our desks. He needs one that is L-shaped, able to hold multiple monitors and his laptop, and give him a place to put everything he needs to do work. I need a place to make pretty things! I wanted something more along the lines of a project table. Specifically, a Bedford Project Table from Pottery Barn.

It’s just magnificent. I love it. I want to wrap my arms around it and lay a big smooch on its desktop. Erik said, “Why the heck do you want to spend that kind of money on it when I can just make you one exactly like it?” But lo, I was doubtful that Erik would have the time to make it for me. He is a very busy and important man. He carries a Blackberry. AND a cell phone.
So I ordered it. And it finally arrived. With a giant hole in it. (I’ll post pictures later) Also, it looked cheap and was made of thin MDF. I was very upset. Erik said, “Well, you can return it for one that does not have a hole in it. Or you can just let me build you one, like I should have all along.” I agreed with my smart, attractive husband. He’s so wise.

Last weekend, we went down to St. Petersburg, FL to help E’s mom and Smitty clear out his grandfather’s house. It was good to see the family, but very good to get back to Charlotte. I never have much luck in Florida. While we were there, E’s mom gave us his grandfather’s bedroom set, some pictures, and about 2,500 records. E’s grandfather was a huge music buff, and E’s mom wanted to make sure the records went to a good cause, or at least were given to someone who would appreciate them. So tomorrow at the House of Garrett, we are having a Crazy Delicious Record Sale, will all proceeds going to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation and the National Philanthropic Trust for Breast Cancer Research. You know, for the boobs.

So if you’re in the Charlotte area and want to do some crate digging, or just stop by and say FNUR, email me at karenbgarrett (at) gmail (dot) com for the dirty details. I’ll take pictures of the sale and of the fun, and post them.
Also, you know what we have not had on this site in… possibly ever (too lazy to look)? A contest! I have a good one coming up. Actually contest is not the right word, so much as a prize package. So keep your eyes peeled for that.
Jack Bauer says hi, by the way.

Anybody want to go to see Kanye West/Rihanna/Lupe Fiasco/N.E.R.D. in Charlotte on May 8th with me? Seriously, I am dying to go to this concert but everyone either does not want to go or does not want to pay for it (cheapest tickets are $50).

We’ve been busy, you guys. It doesn’t seem as bad when I look at our calendar, but the fact remains – when I get home these days, I do not want to blog. I want to make dinner, sit on the sofa, and watch an appalling travesty of a television show with my husband instead of blog.

E is coming home today from a one day business trip. Last week, I was in Minneapolis, surrounded by several thousand librarians. Man, those chicks can keg stand! Not really. Now that we are back, we have some more work around the house to do. First and foremost, we really owe you guys some pictures. They’re coming, I promise. I’ll work on them this weekend.

I’ve been doing a lot of cooking this week, which is good for both E and me. E is happy that not only am I making tasty goodness and actually using the kitchen items we spent good money on, but we are not ordering pizza every night. I am happy because the recipes (most of which came from here) are turning out wonderfully. No more kicking the oven and screaming DAMN YOU TO HELL, STUPID LAMB SHANK for me! At least, not this week.

E has been working very hard on the house. In the past couple of weeks, he finished the tile floor in our kitchen and utility room, set up his workshop in the garage, replaced the downstairs lighting fixtures, and has been all-around studly. Now it’s my turn to do work. He has tasked me with replacing the doorknobs and locks on our front, back and side door. I have absolutely no idea how to do this. Not only that, I must ensure that they are all able to be opened by the same key. Is this possible to do without calling a locksmith? I can’t seem to find an answer on The Google or DIY. In addition, I’ll also be painting our guest bedrooms soon to make room for our guest bedroom furniture (being picked up in a few weeks). Next time you’re in the Charlotte, NC area and looking for a place to pass out, think of “The Garretts” for all your slumber needs.

Back to work. I do have another thing to update everyone on, but it’s not ready yet. Deal with it, Fitz. What’s new with everyone else? Leave your happenings in the comments.

ETA: HA we ordered pizza tonight. So much for that.

ETA2: NO, I am not pregnant, that is NOT the news.

(Yes I know I am behind. Deal with it. I’ve been in Minneapolis.)

From 2 weeks ago – Dominique!

Dominique is stepping up her game! It’s been broughten to another level, people. A new level of Dominique! So her poses and attitude is even more hidden penis-alicious! What’s better, she gets in a really stupid fight with Whitney (honestly, they were both being bitches and it was an incredibly stupid fight) and calls her racist! Petty drama is what Dominique is all about! Wanna know what Whitney is all about? Using that old white girl gem, “How can I be racist – my best friend is black!”

….

The greatest part of that scene is how Marvita is just chilling in the back, drinking a water bottle with her sunglasses on, avoiding conflict. But the non-expression on her face says it all. Dominique ends it by saying Whitney looks 30 but acts 12. Whitney misses a GIANT opportunity for rebuttal there. I have several in mind but none of them are blog-safe.

Moving on – they keep showing interviews with this contestant whose name I have totally forgotten. Seriously people, what’s the name of the red head?

Moving on even more, it’s a mudda-fudding POSE-OFF! Dominique and Claire pose by showing off their crotches. Lauren is confused by the taunts of the gay men, and Marvita does the Roger Rabbit. Blond Whats-Her-Face is a spider or something, and Stacy Ann does Jane Fonda workouts! Fatima shows off her armpits and circumcision to Whitney, who does a split! Redhead just about dislocates her shoulder, and Kazjagoogoo does not impress me with her outfit, seriously. But that’s cool because Claire crotch/Roger Rabbit/Jane Fonda/Splits win, you guys! They win some swag and Marvita is super excited that it’s not even knock-off! (It’s still ugly). Claire wins a trip to Bora Bora, and Whitney screams FOUL, I DID A SPLIT YOU GUYS!

Back at the loft, Marvita and Lauren get drunk on 40s! It’s so awesome I can’t even joke about it. I want Marvita to come to our next party.

The photoshoot is boring – ladies are covered in paint! I fall asleep during this part. But it yields interesting results – Fatima doesn’t shave her armpits, y’all. Is it because she is traumatized by razors? Seriously, I think that would be a good excuse. Instead she just tells the judges, “oh my bad, I’ll go home and shave!” and the judges try to eat her alive. Unfortunately, she’s all bones so Tyra spits her back out (look out, Whitney! Your rump roast is next!). Also, Kakakaka has a great picture and Tyra & co. still insult her. What the hell? Did she spit on Tyra’s pork ribs?
Did you know that honest-to-goodness former supermodel Vendela now hosts “Scandanavia’s Next Top Model”? My god, that saddens me.

It suddenly occurs to me that I want Whitney to win this show because she would crack me up in the “My Life As A Cover Girl”. She could bring her black best friend to the Cover Girl factory in Baltimore! WOOO!

Marvita is kicked off. Oh, Marvita, Marvita, light of my life, fire of my loins, milk in my shake. You were far too awesome for this show, and much too fabulous for that mullet. You know you were too fierce for Tyra to comprehend. I shall miss thee.

Thank you for your interest in my personal belongings! I admit, I do have some fascinating treasures at my disposal with which I perform my duties. That mousepad you took totally rocks, doesn’t it? As I’m sure you know, it’s a combination mousepad and notepad which I used to jot down phone numbers and tasks. Really helps with my ADD. Or at least, it DID until it was taken a few months ago.

Or my tin of change that I used for my Diet Coke fund. It was a pretty yellow tin tucked away in the corner of my cube. But you found it! Not only did you gain $1.65 or so in dimes and nickels, but you gained a pretty object that I found at Paper Skyscraper. Which means, I probably paid too much for it. Lucky you, it’s now yours for free!

And finally, a small blue paper crane that was made for me by one of my mentors. It was made out of a large scrap of sky blue paper, not worth a dime. Of course, it had a lot of sentimental value to me and was an inspiration that I used to center myself when I was stressed… blah blah blah HOPE YOU FIND IT PRETTY! Since you certainly found it tucked away in my stationary box!

Now, since I currently have no lockable drawer in my cube (but have asked HR to change that), here are my suggestions for other items you may find amusing and steal-able:

• My red book – it’s the notebook I carry with me to every on-site event, and is a collection of all items that come up at the last minute. I study it before every event to see what sort of issues can be planned for ahead of time.  Of interest to you – it’s pretty! Covered in red pleather and some stickers! Has graph paper! Would really piss me off if it were taken!
• Pez dispenser – this was also a gift, from my first real boss. MAN, would it upset me if this were missing. It’s hiding among my belongings because I keep it around for good luck. But I’m sure you’ll find it before I have a chance to take it home!
• Photos of my husband, family, friends – Since you’re taking personal objects, why not go for the gold?
• Chewing gum stash – I have a wide selection of gum at my disposal hidden somewhere at my cube. Various flavors and brands. Catch it if you can!
• My stationary box – This box is full of stationary that my team uses to send thank you notes to vendors and people who have helped us at shows. But screw them, huh??
• Various office supplies – you probably already have a stapler, or various cheap ballpoint pens, or paper clips. But why not steal mine too?

In conclusion, enjoy your tour of amazement at the Cubicle of Fnur. However, be aware that even if it means placing the FRED CAM in my cube, I will find out who you are – so we can have a friendly chat! With HR and the fine folks at the Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department!

Have a great Easter holiday – stolen paper clips are a great way to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord!